Concepts from the book Leadership and Self-Deception from The Arbinger Institute

When you see your wife as a PERSON, you see her as HER OWN PERSON and someone you can serve

When you see her as an OBJECT, you see her as a vehicle, an obstacle, or irrelevant

You can still do “nice things” (like the dishes)  but to GET something from her. This leads to PROBLEMS in the marriage.

When you don’t get the attention, appreciation or affection you want, you tend to see her as an OBSTACLE and start getting upset, disengaged, etc.

The solution: Choose to SERVE because you want to GIVE. Because you want to be that guy. Not because you want to GET or want her to ACT or FEEL a certain way.

This is also the MOST LIKELY way you will get attention, appreciation and affection FREELY GIVEN.